The Ultimate Anti-Batman Strategy
by ltj056
Summary: After the death of Superman, a thug finds out the only way to trick Batman.


**Hey everyone! Saw the dumbest thing in a movie ever and thought it would be a smart idea to poke fun at it. Enjoy!**

Batman was attacking criminals that were robbing from the local bank. He had just caught one in his explosive gel and was about to get the second one. Batman was hanging from the ceiling, grabbed the crook, and hung him from the ceiling. He was crawling through the vents and was waiting for the third robber to walk on top of it. When he did, Batman jumped out and slammed the thug's face into the floor. Batman just sneaked up on one guy and used his electric gloves to shock him into submission. Batman could tell that the last one was panicking and decided to reveal himself to the criminal. Batman landed in front of him and slowly walked towards him.

Thug: Wait, I need this money. It's for my mother, Martha.

Batman had a completely shocked look on his face, as the guy said the name of his mother.

Batman: How do you know that name?!

The thug was confused, but explained himself.

Thug: Martha. That's my mom's name.

Batman: My God…

Thug: Are you okay?

Batman: What are you waiting for?!

Batman gave him a bag of money and pushed him to the door.

Batman: GO! GO! GO!

The thug had no idea why Batman got like that, but he didn't care. He just ran to the nearest safe house.

Thug: Wait, I can make some dough with this info.

He ran off to start telling people about this.

-Three Days Later-

Batman and Robin were chasing Penguin in the Batmobile, they were gaining on him and were ready to turn him in. Penguin's car was starting to slow down and was next to the Batmobile. Penguin showed up through the sunroof and was waving.

Penguin: Wait Batman!

Batman: What is it, Cobblepot?

Penguin: I need this money for my mother! 

Batman: Isn't your mother dead?

Penguin: No, she is alive and her name is Martha!

Batman's eye widened, while Robin looked at him in confusion.

Batman: Why are you still here?! Move it!

Penguin: Thank you, Batman!

Penguin drove off and Robin looked angry.

Robin: You just let Penguin get away!

Batman: His mother's name is Martha.

Robin: That hasn't stopped you in the past!

Batman: I didn't know his mom's name was Martha.

Robin got out of the Batmobile and started to walk off.

Robin: That is it, I'm going solo.

As he walked off, Batman grew a tear in his eyes.

Batman: If only you understood.

He drove back to the Batcave.

-Batcave-

Batman was watching the Batcomputer and was waiting for the next villainous act. Alfred came to him, holding a cup of Coffee.

Alfred: Master Bruce, Master Damian has informed me that you allowed the Penguin to escape.

Batman: He had the right motivation, Alfred.

Alfred: Yes, like _lying_ about having a mother named Martha.

Batman stood up and shot an angry glare at Alfred.

Batman: You can never know who has a mom named Martha.

Alfred just stepped back and was walking towards the elevator.

Batman: What's wrong Alfred?

Alfred: Oh nothing Sir. Just going up for some fresh air.

Alfred started pressing the button and Batman could've sworn that he was saying " Cmon" over and over. The elevator closed and went up.

Batman: Probably should get him a therapist.

As he said that, the Bat alarm went off and Batman rushed to see what was going on. Turns out, the Joker's gang has overrun downtown Gotham. Batman wasted no time and rushed to the Batmobile.

\- Five Minutes Later-

Batman was rushing to the Joker's gang to stop them. When he reached downtown Gotham, he got out and ran to where a gate with the Joker's face was. He saw that there was two members guarding the gate. Wasting no time, Batman ran to where the guard were and overpowered them with his superior skills and martial arts. He knocked out one of the guards by slamming his head into the wall and was about to finish the other one.

Thug: Wait! Mister J needs to do this.

Batman: Why?

Thug: For his mother Martha.

Batman: You're lying.

Thug: It's the truth, I tell ya.

The punk pulled out a piece of paper.

Thug: See? Here's a picture of her, _with_ identification.

Batman took the paper and looked it over. It was clearly fake, there was no certification, and had a smiley face on it.

Batman: Seems legit.

Batman handed the paper back to the gang member.

Batman: Have a nice night.

The gang member nodded.

Thug: Thanks, you too.

Batman walked back to the Batmobile and drove back to the Batcave. The gang member was quiet for a moment and then he bursted out laughing.

Thug: I can't believe he bought that! I gotta tell Mister J.

He ran into the gate and started to make his way to Joker. Joker was standing in the middle of a stage with a group of hostages, all of which had dynamite attached to their chest. Joker was starting to pace back and forth.

Joker: Where is Batman? I thought he'd be here by now.

The gang member ran up onto the stage and started to pant from exhaustion.

Joker: What are you doing here?

Thug: You should've seen it Mister J. Batman actually fell for the certification.

Joker had a completely suprised look on his face.

Joker: Are you serious?

Thug: Yep, so I guess getting it was a good idea after all.

The gang member stopped looking smug, when he noticed that Joker was walking towards him.

Thug: Wait! It worked, so why are angry?

Joker: The only reason I let you do that stupid idea was because I didn't think it would work.

Joker had the thug on the edge of the stage, which he easily could've just jumped off with no harm whatsoever.

Joker: But since it did, you get a reward.

He pulled out a can of Joker Venom and sprayed it clean into the thug's face, then threw him off the stage as he laughed to death.

-Wayne Manor-

Bruce was sitting in a chair and shaking violently. Alfred came in to check on him.

Alfred: Master Bruce, are you alright?

Bruce: I don't know Alfred. It's just that so many people have a mother named Martha,

Alfred: For God's sake, Sir. They were lying!

Bruce: No, they had certification and everything!

Alfred: Sir, I think that the trauma from your parents death is affecting your judgement here.

Bruce grabbed Alfred by the shoulder and threw him on the floor.

Bruce: You don't get it Alfred.

Alfred was shaking with fear.

Alfred: Sir, you need help.

Bruce pulled a rag out of his coat.

Bruce: No Alfred-

He forced the rag on Alfred's mouth, causing him to grow drowsy and pass out.

Bruce:-you do.

-Some Time Later-

Alfred woke up in a dark room and strapped to a chair. He looked around and noticed that no one else was in the room. Just him and the chair he sat in. It was quiet for a moment, until the door opened. Alfred couldn't believe what he was looking at, Batman was now wearing the name Martha on his chest and most of his iconic bat themed gadgets were now Martha themed.

Alfred: Sir, you need therapy!

Batman was quiet for a moment, before stepping forward.

Batman: Alfred, you need to understand. The Ways Of Martha.

Alfred would have laughed at this, if it weren't for the position he was in.

Alfred: Ways Of Martha? Sir, you're being ridiculous.

Batman: No, I know now that the only way to achieve peace is to name all mothers Martha.

Alfred was quiet for a moment from how out there that was.

Alfred: How long was I out?

Batman: Three weeks.

Alfred was just shocked about this.

Alfred: How did I not die?

Batman: Life support.

Alfred looked at his master with concern.

Alfred: Master Bruce, don't do anything you will regret.

Batman: Don't worry Alfred.

He activated his shock gloves and started to walk to Alfred.

Batman: You will understand.

From outside, one could hear screams of pain and see blue lighting from the door.

-Two Weeks Later-

Batman was standing next to Alfred, who looked like he was burned badly. The two of them were watching chaos, caused by the criminals who all said that they're mother was named Marth. Batman looked over to him.

Batman: Do you understand now?

Alfred: Yessir, I understand.

Batman: Good.

They turned to the sunset, as Alfred started shedding tears and Batman was smiling at the chaos.

 **So yeah, this was probably the dumbest Batman related thing ever. Next actual story should be out by Friday.**


End file.
